A week of failures – 3 recipes that don’t work

Food fail

It’s not all sunshine and spelt cupcakes in my kitchen.

This week was the perfect example of how sometimes no matter how much effort you put into cooking, things just don’t work out (and end up a rather bitter and shrivelled mess).

I tried out three new recipes this week and they all went horribly wrong in one way or another. I started to get a bit down on myself, wondering what in the world I was going to post this week, when I realised something very important:

Each time I experiment in the kitchen and it fails, it brings me one step closer to a successful, delicious and unique recipe. 

So in the spirit of improvement, please join me in celebrating three weird and wonderful culinary failures!

Fail #1 – Nori flax crackers

nori crackers

What could be more delicious than some zucchini flax crackers combined with delicious toasted nori, sesame, shallots and miso paste?…


I can imagine this is exactly what a cow pat tastes like. Crunchy on the outside and moist and fibrous on the inside.

The kind of flavour you can only get by having been digested by four bovine stomachs.

I had high hopes for these crackers. We love japanese food and I was hoping we could take a little slice of it on our daily travels. I was so so wrong. These ended up tasting like bitter, salty reconstituted nori. Yuck!


full kraut

close up kraut
You’d eat this, right?

After two days in my kitchen my giant jar of organic, red cabbage sauerkraut formed a life of it’s own.

I kept telling myself that it was salvageable, but the strong smell of ammonia and discoloured cabbage was telling me otherwise.

I’m pretty sure the culprit of this funky mess was my own laziness. Instead of taking the time to find a mason jar with a tightly fitting lid, I grabbed a giant cookie jar with a lid that didn’t really seal at all. From my understanding, the good bacteria that make sauerkraut need an anaerobic (oxygen-less) environment to thrive. By letting the oxygen through to my ferment it increased the number of bacteria that thrive in an aerobic (with oxygen) environment; these are not the bacteria you want.

I’m sure Sammi from Vibrant Traditional Nutrition can help me out with this one:


Berry Banana Green smoothie

green smoothie

I count this as a semi-failure. It consisted of banana, blueberries, almond milk and goji berries; and I actually liked the flavour. I think if I hadn’t have been so heavy handed on the spinach, the girls would have liked it too.

As it was, they wouldn’t take more than one sip. Not even when I put  a little orange umbrella into the smoothies to make it fun.

And we all know little umbrellas make everything fun!

Have you got a spectacular culinary failure you’d like to share?

Or maybe you have some tips on improving these recipes … either way I’d love to hear from you in the comments.

Thanks for bearing with me in my week of epic #fail … here’s to next week!

2 thoughts on “A week of failures – 3 recipes that don’t work

  1. I cooked spaghetti with salmon and made a sauce of white wine, cream and passionfruit. It was absolutely disgusting and my dinner guests have not let me forget it to this day.

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